my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
