apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
