Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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