It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
