alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
a search helicopter?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
