im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
