and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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