so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Alive.
So much puke
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
