She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
