Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
