TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
