hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
