There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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