my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
