I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
