I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
