is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
