it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
