Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
