Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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