After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
