you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
