and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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