Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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