Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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