end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
