shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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