i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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