Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
