he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
