why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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