I wish I could punch you in the face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
