About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
