Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
