ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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