well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
