I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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