so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
