I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
