i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
