I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
