he shaved USA in his pubs
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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