If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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