I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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