Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He better not be in your backpack
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
