Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
