Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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