Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
