Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
