Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
