I can tuck mytits in my pants
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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