Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
