I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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