Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
