WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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